Penny is standing in a dark room, pictures from her trip to India flashing behind her, and she’s asked a question:

“The poverty in that part of the world just seems so devastating. I know you have these religious beliefs. So I wonder, do you ever think ‘Why doesn’t God just act?’” asks an audience member.

“Not to go all Mother Teresa on you, but Mother Teresa said that the spiritual poverty of the West was far worse than any tangible poverty she saw. I can’t explain it, but when I was there — away from all of the noise — I was closer to God. It’s hard to explain but I want to go back,” Penny answered.*

Pair this dialogue with the video above and you should be wanting to close your computer and head to the movie theater nearest you that’s playing Blue Like Jazz.

It’s a film loosely based on Donald Miller’s nonfiction book Blue Like Jazz. It’s so loosely based it almost seems like two different pieces with obvious similarities.

To be honest, most people in Southern world will be taken aback by the extremes in this film.

But as director Steve Taylor said, “Movie stories don’t live well at the middle of human experience. Interesting movies live at the edges. If it is a conservative church, it’s a very, very conservative church. When he goes to college, it is not just a liberal college, it is the most godless campus in America. Without those extremes, we don’t have an interesting story.”

Is life that much different? Or have we constructed frames to makes us think that real life isn’t like the movies. People don’t do crazy things, according to, well, people.

We don’t abandon faith and beliefs because of hard times?
We don’t make dramatic mistakes that have dire and drastic consequences?

Yes, we do. In fact, I would argue that the rarest things anyone does are those things Jesus tells us to do.

Abandon everything for a greater cause? That’s too radical.
Forgive? That deprives us of our vengeful desires.
Love all? Well, that’s just impossible.

Life should be lived at the edges, too. It should be the fringes were we hover. Don’t get this wrong: I am not saying Jesus tells everyone to abandon everything. But in our self-centered society, abandoning ourselves does seem like abandoning everything. We should be less focused on our greedy needs and more mindful on exactly why we are here and what we are supposed to do with our lives, our skills, our potential. He has given us breath for a reason.

So brace yourselves. By that I mean, let the movie stand as a whole.
Watch it all the way through, from beginning to end, taking in the extremes.

The best parts of this movie are when the modern struggles Americans are dealing with are boldly illustrated. People drink alcohol, they have premarital sex, they have extra-marital affairs, they create their own beliefs, they are scorned by years and years of wrong doing, they are selfish.

People are extreme.

This movies faces those extremes in an up-front manner. People who are turned off by that should realize that simply ignoring problems that exist in the world isn’t Biblical. You can’t make them go away because you refuse to discuss them in a constructive context. What better place for these problems to be presented than in a movie that shows exactly how the loving redemption we get from Christ plays out through forgiveness and confession?

We live at the edge of extreme lostness apart from God. We hover in loneliness. We search for meaning by recreating ourselves, over and over again. We reach out for help and turn to all the wrong places.

In the movie, one morning Don wakes up and says to himself that he feels like he is drowning in a sea of individuality at Reed College. It’s not about being an individual or part of a mass. It’s about being the person you’ve already been divinely created to be and living your life with your skills to His fullest potential.

Go see the movie. Read the book.

“If we are not willing to wake up in the morning and die to ourselves, perhaps we should ask ourselves whether or not we are really following Jesus.”

- Don Miller, Blue Like Jazz

*these are paraphrased. I don’t have the exact script.

‘Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead.’
Philippians 3:13

-Nick

Lost in Tokyo from Mark Bramley on Vimeo.

I am sure it was the fact that I was running in a place with tombstones that this question struck me. And I really wondered: could they? Is there anything in the Bible that says they can’t?

Then I thought: why do I want loved ones to hear my prayers?

It seems cynical, maybe even rude, but God is the only person I need to hear my prayers. My cries for help, for true help, can only be tended by Him.

Prayer is NOT hoping out loud.
It’s not a time when you stop and talk to those you’ve lost.
It’s time with God; a time of confession, repentance and discernment.

Over the past couple of weeks I have been dwelling on the validity and power of prayer. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s a far too ignored, mighty tool. A weapon neglected; a tool of mine that was rusting.

I’ve been praying for discipline. Praying that the mental images of my spoken prayers hitting the ceiling of my house and falling to the floor are eradicated. Praying that my faith breaks down barriers. Praying that my faith is unfettered from the shackles of my innate doubt.

I read a quote attributed to C.S. Lewis in the movie Shadowlands that goes like this:

“I pray because I can’t help myself. I pray because I’m helpless. I pray because the need flows out of me all the time- waking and sleeping. It doesn’t change God- it changes me.” – C. S. Lewis

To be quite honest, I would normally bring out my computer and iFacebook for the fifteen minutes — it doesn’t require much brain power and I wasn’t in the mood for thinking.
Knowing that I had just been struck with the whole point of my Lent fast — to spend the time you would use for one thing on Christ — I cracked open my Bible and read this:

“Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil, hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.”

Romans 12: 9-12

I need these instructions this morning. More than anything else, I needed to hear every single one of these verses. The rest of my day has been spent reminding myself to do these things — to hold fast to what is good, to be patient in tribulation — those are direct punches to the gut full of conviction that God is good.

Maybe this Lent thing has something to it.

Why?

Because I can.
Because I have an inkling I should.
Because I don’t spend enough time dwelling on the foundations of my faith.
Because I waste time.
Because I have thought about doing this for awhile.
Because I want to hear about people’s lives from them and I want to tell them about mine in person for a change.
Because I think it’s going to be a short 40 days, but an impactful 40 days all the same.

Don’t get me wrong; I love Facebook. It’s kept me connected to so many different people from a variety of stages in my life. I will be back, I promise. I need this fast for myself… this is not an action that should be taken as a social commentary on our society’s problems. This has nothing to do with our society’s problems.

It’s about me.

It’s the end of day one. Nothing really feels different. I have gotten a few texts asking why we aren’t Facebook friends… so far responding to those has been the most awkward part. Balancing between telling your friends you are doing this but not sounding “holier than thou” is a little hard at times. But hey, I’m sure they’ll get that this has nothing to do with them. I love them the same! (If they didn’t know that, they do now!)

I have definitely typed into the web browser and gone to facebook.com several times simply out of habit, which is scary. But I do that with Baylor email, too, after four years, so it is understandable.

A by-product of this move that I wasn’t expecting was the urge I had later today to begin blogging about this choice. Suddenly I had made a pact with myself to limit my time on social media and to up my time writing, reading and thinking about faith. The writing my blog has been populated with is truly my favorite type of writing — non-fiction writing that simply takes a small, small portion of this large, large life and dissects it for its intricacies and purposes.

With more time, I think this 40 days will produce some fantastic spiritual growth and some innovative blog posts.

A funny childhood story is where this stems from.

Enter 3rd Grade Nick Dean, just as talkative as I am today but with less… social awareness. It was fire safety day in class and the local Fire Department had wheeled in a makeshift house to teach us the popular Stop, Drop and Roll method and the proper way to exit a blazing house.

At the end of the day, the firemen were asking my class questions about our homes so we would know what to do if our specific house caught fire.

The only question I remember to this day is: “Does everyone’s room have a window?”

My response, out loud in front of everyone?

“I don’t have a window. I live in a closet!”

…………. yeah, I was that kid.

To be fair to my awesome mother, I didn’t actually live in a closet. It was a huge room with awesome bookshelves that I wish I still had. I just didn’t have a window because it was in the back part of an apartment that had apartments on both sides. I repeat: I did not live in a closet.

I guess I called it a closet for who knows why, but my teacher ended up talking with my mother, who then ended up talking to me. The lesson was “what happens in our house is our business and stays in this house.”(My mother, like all mothers, has a way with words that make your kid never forget.)

I took her lesson a little too seriously, I think. It’s not her fault that I had a natural tendency to want to keep most about myself to myself.

Actually, that’s not true either. Really, I wanted to keep my struggles and my flaws to myself. I was fine talking about surface level things like achievements, plans for the future or recent happenings in my life.

But my character flaws? My struggles? No way.

I have learned, however, that when you have a good community of people who care about you — regardless of faults and flaws — you will gain much and grow a ton by opening up. Do not read this as a suggestion to open up to any and all people. In fact, read this the exact opposite. I am simply saying that once you have found the people in your life that love you unconditionally, open up. They are in your life for a reason and they are definitely struggling, too.

It’s human to struggle. I think we all have a tendency to pull back, to retreat within and never let the flaws surface. But facing flaws face-to-face gives you the power to accept your depravity. Let your closest friends be your sounding board. Let them keep you accountable. We’re called to care for others and that care can come in the form of listening to your friend and building accountability.

A person’s strongholds become less powerful and restrictive when his/her closest friend is also in on the fight. Blind spots are more easily seen and the troughs of life are a little less daunting when our personal struggles are shared with those that are the absolute closest to us. We’re going to fall because all of man has already fallen, just make sure you have people there to pick you up.

Inspect the people you are surrounded by. Build relationships first, then open up lines of trust. In order to grow and change for the better, you have to ensure that the people you are trusting are trustworthy and committed to you. You’ll want to reciprocate the help for them, too. We are all in this together; we’re brothers and sisters. If your community is not currently engaged in this spiritual support, maybe you need to take the first step.

Love and be loved.
Care and be cared for.
Ask and be asked.
Give and be given.
Encourage and be encouraged.

Sure, my personal life is personal. But it’s also deprave and broken. Only Christ can fix me, but my friends point me to Him. Where are you directing your friends? Where are they directing you? These are the important questions.

“Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent, nor favor to those with knowledge, but time and chance happen to them all.”

Ecclesiastes 9:11

I graduate in May 2012.

This post is about why that is just so daunting.

I have written in awhile because, frankly, so much has happened in my life these past few weeks (and months) that I simply can’t process it in time for a legitimate blog that would actually help someone. I have no remorse for not posting. I do regret, however, not writing in a personal journal or on unpublished posts for quite sometime. I am going to blame it on what I call “marination time.”

You see, so much has happened these past few months that if Old Nick stood next to Current Nick and talked, I don’t think we would sound like the same person at all… I really believe that my mindset, goals, perspective on life and drive has changed THAT much.

It’s scary, really. People love to say that “people never change.” I simply don’t believe that. We have to change. It’s Biblical to grow, learn and alter your mindset. Michael Criner, my college pastor here in Waco at First Woodway, once said that when you love God, you start to love what God loves. (For a funny side note, Author Anne Lamott once wrote: ‘You can safely assume that you’ve created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do.’)

I have been working on loving God, on realizing my purpose (I wrote about that a little bit here in a post for First Woodway College Ministry) and on recognizing my true passions.

From that journey so far, I only have one piece of advice: Don’t start asking yourself about your TRUE passions and purposes unless you actually want to know them. Because God, in his infinite wisdom and mysterious plan, can really stir things up.

So, yeah, I haven’t written that much. But don’t worry, world. You can’t shut me up that quickly. I am simply marinating in these thoughts. Once I have mentally digested a large enough portion of this stage of life, I’ll be sure to upload my commentary on it. I am most thankful for His peace. It’s the only thing getting me through the journey.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
 When sorrows like sea billows roll;
 Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
 It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Until I am ready,

ND

Colleen, Ciera, Caty, me, Jenny and Griselda at Abbey Road in St. John's Wood

It seems like the timing couldn’t have been better. Just as I began my internship at The Church of England Newspaper major national news happened right here in London: the Archbishops faced several challenges in the House of Lords, the Occupy London protesters chose St. Paul’s Cathedral as their base camp and Parliament was passing major legislation that heavily affected the Church. Basically, a news junky’s best combo.

My first week here was a whirlwind, and it was only seven weeks ago. In three days I covered St. Paul’s protesters and two Parliamentary meetings on international issues. I remember leaving work on that first Friday with Big Ben shining yellow and patina green as Londoners hustled past him, thinking: “I need to get as much as I can from this.”

I had to tell myself that throughout the three and a half months here. I had to keep metaphorically slapping myself in the face. “Nick, your opportunities here are great. How many people would want this? You’ve wanted to be here for so long.”

Here I am, two days away from an airplane ride back to the states. That reality pains me. Deep down, I can’t believe the time to leave is already here. I’m conflicted. Parts of me are itching to get out of this City and back to my friends and family in Texas and Hawaii. Another part is absolutely entranced by the European lifestyle and Big City life in general.The things that happen here are fascinating, there is never a dull moment. Waco, unfortunately, can’t boast such a stat.

So, did I get as much as I could from this internship and this experience? I would say yes, I did. My internship taught me so much as a journalist about perspective and news writing for international issues. I really have a passion for international news and can thank my time in London for strengthening that, while at the same time challenging me to improve my capabilities.

The Church of England Newspaper is run by an incredible staff who have treated me so well. I was afforded so many opportunities and am very thankful. I have included several of my clips in this post.

On a personal level, the growth I have experienced is vast. In fact, I think this experience has affected me to a point that there will need to be much self-reflection to see the whole picture; to understand how much I have grown I will need to pull back the focus and look at my time here from a further distance. This three and a half months has a particular section of my personal growth timeline. It has forever impacted me. How and to what extent is yet to be determined.  All I can say right now is that I am grateful for this experience, especially to my mom who made it possible. I can see how my travels will greatly influence my life, including my writing, and how my time in London had an impact on my character. This transitional point in life reminds me of a song on James Morrison’s new album The Awakening titled “One Life,” where he says: “If I knew yesterday what I know today, where would I be tomorrow?”

Here’s to taking what we’ve learned today with what we would change about yesterday and realizing that it is all apart of His tomorrow.

________________________________________________________________________

1. Andrew Belle |  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

It’s no secret I am a major Andrew Belle fan. And when I first heard this rendition I pretty much hoped an entire Christmas CD was hitting iTunes soon.Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. All we have this year is this nugget of Christmas greatness. You should be listening to it because it’s a mellowed-out version of a normally peppy song. It’s perfect for background music during the holiday break.

2. The Royal Sons feat. Mariah McManus | Baby, It’s Cold Outside

I literally just started listening to this group this week (shout-out to Alyssa for the link) but man, this is the best version of this song I have heard in awhile. The Christmas classic seems to have gained popularity in recent years. (I will chalk that up to Elf  and Zooey Deschanel.) However, you should be listening to this version. To me, it rivals the She & Him version.

3. Michael Bublé | Cold December Night

That’s right: I put a Bublé song on this list. I sort of can’t believe it because I am not  normally a huge fan. His Christmas CD, however, is really good. This song is a great one to add to your Christmas playlist, too. It’s not a classic per say, and I think that makes it even better.

4. Coldplay | Christmas Lights

Alright, this song has been out for awhile. (Maybe even a year.) But it is the prime example of a great new Christmas song. You should be listening to this for two reasons: 1. It’s Coldplay and 2. The music video is worth the time, too. I know everyone isn’t a huge Coldplay fan, but they should at least make it onto your Christmas playlist to add in the modern day Christmas with the classics.

5. Ben Rector | Jingle Bells

You need to buy Ben Rector’s ENTIRE Christmas CD right now. On the album, Jingle Bells is the most fun. I really haven’t heard a better, more energetic record. It just always puts me in a good mood. Also he gets kudos for taking one of the most generic, repetitive Christmas classics and remaking it into a great track full of rambunctious energy.